Common mistakes parents with good motive make because of ignorance
1. Using the same parenting style for all children
All of us are unique and so are our children. And hence every child requires a unique parenting style designed for that child. Applying the same parenting on two siblings even if they are twins may not do justice to either of them. Like someone wisely said ‘Sun and Moon shine at their own times and at their own brightness’.
2. Trying to make them do what you aspire for
Every child is a genius of something. And most important is to realize that it may be different from the genius you have. Your child may genetically look like you and still can have a totally different set of traits and characteristics. It is very important to identify and hone those characteristics. To make your child ready for the path he/she is best at, discover the inborn abilities, hone them as a mentor, discuss them as a friend, provide a right external environment as a catalyst, encouraging for small successes on the journey and love them unconditionally for being who they are.
3. Applying or avoiding parenting styles of our parents on the kids
While parenting, the common response we all tend to go with for any situation is behave like either what our parents did with us or did not do with us, irrespective of it being the correct method or not. However, times are different now and hence the parenting needs. Also, our children are not us. They are who they are, as we can never be like our parents.
4. Disciplining in public places
It is hard to stay calm when your child acts inappropriately, but try to remember that the child probably means no harm. A toddler can’t yet gauge the responses to his / her actions. Parents of toddlers should make themselves ready for some awkward moments. Toddlers of this age begin to express ideas and explore their physical abilities but haven’t yet realized that some things aren’t appropriate to say or do in public. That’s where parents need to step in, especially if their child’s actions could hurt others. Setting boundaries is tricky particularly for a child whose energy and curiosity seem to defy limits although can be done with love and affirmation.
5. Not leaving choices on them
As parents we would want to raise children who become responsible independent adults and hence we believe in children’s inherent right to decide for themselves still not everything, especially in the early years, can’t be left on them. In other words, if the decision to be made is not your kids’ in the first place, don’t hand it over to them. Although once you have turned the choice over to your kids, stand back, bite your tongue and let them make it. Sure, it’s hard to hold back and refrain from offering advice. It takes a lot of patience because children can take a long time to choose. Although prompting them one way or another, even if our intentions are good, defeats the purpose of teaching them to make choices.
6. Not leading by example
With being parents comes the responsibility of walking the straight path constantly and leading by example. And the pressure that even if you stray, not letting your children see it. You cannot let a child learn to be honest, and then be caught in a lie yourself. You cannot tell children to care for others and then be seen as uncaring. You cannot expect the children to be sincere and faithful and then be caught being unfaithful to yourself. Hence, anything you would expect from your child to learn and value needs to be practically practiced and valued by you first.
7. Too much involvement and protection
Over-parenting makes children feel entitled. By learning to overcome failure, children develop adaptability. It helps them to deal with frustration and how to regulate their emotions properly. It is best if children develop these skills during childhood to be able to lead successful lives as adults. The relation between over-involved parents and negative consequences is found when examining children of all ages. And, pre-school and primary school children of over-involved parents tend to experience high levels of shyness, anxiety and poor peer relations.
8. Not respecting other parents in front of the child
If one partner errs, the other must not use the children to take sides even as a joking light-heartedly. Watching the two people you love most in the world bickering can wreck a child’s world and leave him/her fighting feelings of insecurity, guilt, inadequacy or low self-esteem for life, sometimes leading to self-destructive behaviour or suicidal tendencies. As they grow up, such children either become rebellious and get involved in dangerous acts to attract their parents’ attention or withdraw completely and become loners. The first kind may not sustain a relationship and jump from one relationship to another, while the second may not even want to have any relationships at all.
9. Allowing the child to give up too easily
Learning is pretty much always hard. The same goes for developing any habit such as finishing milk or food. Learning and mastering something new starts out a lot of fun then tends to get difficult as concepts get harder until, if you manage to push through it, you achieve enough skill that whatever you’re learning becomes fun again. The mistake many well intentional parents make is letting their kids give up when the going gets tough. This “trough” in the learning process is a natural and inescapable part of human learning. Our job as parents is to shape and guide our children’s development, praise them up during the high points, and be supportive as they work through the low points.