A bully often takes the form of a nightmare and is responsible for leaving emotional scars on an individual, especially a child. Extreme situations involve violent threats or someone getting seriously hurt. When you find that someone is bullying your child, it’s natural to get an instinct to act to help stop it, if possible. So now the question arises that should I interfere if my kid is bullied?
Communicating in a proactive way from the perspective of preventing a future injury is at least necessary, if not adopting a reactive way of thinking more about what could have happened to your child.
Any time a kid even unintentionally tries harming another child way, the parent(s) of the former should address it as a teaching moment. Communicating concerns with other children’s parents often proves to be tricky. Their personal parenting style affects how they receive our message. Most parents would want to know if their child presented risky behavior towards another child.
It’s understandable that you will find no control over how the parent(s) of the bully responds. So be prepared for the best and the worst response.
Complaining or Informing? – Which one works?
One of the commonly prevalent parenting goals is to not be “that parent” who overreacts. Also, often, some parents feel that it isn’t good to rush to rescue their perfectly capable child. Addressing playground harassment is, however, necessary with adult intervention if the bullied child presents a power and size imbalance.
The child at the weaker end of the power imbalance needs adult support. Sharing this incident with school staff opens an opportunity for reviewing playground safety with all students. Often it becomes a pattern of some children putting others at risk.
Communicating with a school administrator would be an act of informing rather than complaining.
What the child being bullied should be mindful of?
As a parent, your responsibility to teach your child should be to:
- stand up for themselves
- understand violence is unacceptable
- strike back at people who strike them first
- understand disrespect shouldn’t be something they are comfortable with
- teach them proper footwork – the foundation of effective fighting style
- teach boxing – footwork, cross hooks, sparring, jabbing, take-downs
- strike hard, fast
Also, you should let your child know that bullies can also appear in gangs, with objects, with friends, and with superior strength! Also the child shouldn’t be afraid of what the teachers or principal might say. Instilling fear in the victim isn’t going to help anyway. Tell the child to learn to fight back regardless of what the school system will say.
Assuring your child, you have their back
With this approach, the child will understand that no one should dare to disrespect them in any way, shape, or form. Besides, there’s another approach than just attacking the bully, that’s attacking their psychology first and then moving forward towards the other options.
Teach the child to respect natural traits, limitations, and imperfections, including height, weight, skin color, shape and size, deformities, and level of intelligence. What the bully usually does is attack your insecurities.
To address soft bullies, the child should know how to initiate a change in the topic. Something catchy that may distract the bullies.
If it’s a cool male or female, the child shouldn’t get irritated or fear them; instead, pick any point or issue and bully them back repeatedly. Repeated bullying in front of everyone creates a spark. As soon as people hear a lie or rumor ten times, they start believing it. In this way people will use your words against your bully.
In case the child notices that he or she has been bullied for the first time, he or she should learn to laugh at it along with the bullies. This way, when the one being bullied isn’t showing the hurt side of oneself, more precisely, the desired reaction, a bully can tease him or her.
If the child being bullied can’t avoid the one harassing him or her, the best thing to do is to confront them, warn them in public, even if the bully is a senior, or stand in a respectful position. If the bully is demeaning the victim repeatedly, it is worth visiting a higher authority without any shame filing a formal complaint, and threatening a police complaint as well.
Teach assertiveness skills, especially the preschoolers, to stand up for themselves in a calm and assertive manner. Tell them repeatedly to use firm and confident body language, speak up for themselves, and express their feelings using “I” statements. Preschoolers can practice assertive communication by role-playing various scenarios. With that, it will be easier for you to teach the child to assertively ask the bully to stop the behavior that is causing them trouble.
Promoting problem-solving skills also helps to a huge extent. You can teach your preschoolers problem-solving strategies to help them handle conflicts on the playground. You should teach them the importance of seeking peaceful resolutions and involve a teacher or caregiver when necessary.
Reinforcing self-confidence also helps to a huge extent. Help build self-confidence in your child by highlighting their strengths and abilities. Always try your best to engage them in activities that boost their self-esteem while also providing opportunities for success.
Final Say
Even when it’s a playground push, bringing it to the attention of the other parents and the school creates more safety for everyone. Approaching communications calmly as a proactive measure, rather than with blame and judgment can be helpful to a huge extent. Accidents happen, and in this regard, it’s understandable that children are impulsive. But it’s good to increase safety and do the necessary acts as adults.
