Ensuring Proper Care of Your Child Post-Divorce: A Co-Parenting Guide for Parents
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if kids came with an instruction manual? Something like a cross between an IKEA assembly guide and that little book that you keep in the glove box of your car. That way, when your child is upset, sick, or facing a new challenge, all you have to do is check the instructions and you’ll know how best to help them.
But the closest thing most parents get is a lot of unsolicited advice, and the collective wisdom of those who have gone before them, which conveniently includes this article!
1. Establishing Effective Communication
You may feel that the less you hear from your former partner, the better, but when it comes to building a co-parenting relationship and ensuring your child is well cared for, communication is key.
If you want what’s best for your child, you need to establish and maintain open, respectful communication with your former partner. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to share everything with them, but you do have to be able to talk to them about your child’s needs. It’s also helpful if you can share happy news, milestones, and funny stories about your child as well!
If communication is something you and your child’s other parent have always struggled with, it may be helpful to lean on technology to bridge the gap.
- Share a digital calendar you can use to keep track of who has physical custody of your child on various dates, and important events and activities (like ball games and school concerts) your child would like one or both of you to attend.
- Set up an email address that all communication with your child’s school will go through, unless one parent is taking charge of that responsibility.
- Consider using text messages or one of the digital messaging services recommended by the court if you want to make sure everything you say to one another is in writing, or you have trouble keeping the peace when you speak face to face.
2. Creating a Consistent Parenting Plan
A parenting plan is the closest thing parents will ever get to an instruction manual for their kids because it is a document they draft themselves. This court-required document spells out in detail your and your former partner’s plans for raising your child. The best plans include:
- Detailed schedules that outline the amount of time the child will spend with each parent.
- Instructions for transporting the child between the parents’ homes.
- A rundown of the special events and holidays the child will spend with each parent.
- Information on the responsibilities each parent has going forward for things like health insurance, extracurricular activities, attending parent-teacher conferences, and the child’s exposure to religious and cultural traditions.
Adhering to the parenting plan makes sure you and your child’s other parent are providing the consistency and routine your child needs to thrive. Even though your child’s home life is changing with the divorce, they will be able to adapt and grow if you and your former partner are following the same parenting rulebook.
3. Handling Disagreements Constructively
Even if you and your former partner are doing your best to follow your parenting plan and communicating with one another on a regular basis, there are still going to be times when disagreements arise.
Having a plan for how to resolve a dispute before it turns into a disaster ensures your child’s life is not negatively impacted by something completely out of their control. There are a variety of tactics that can be used to get through disagreements, including:
- Meetup to discuss the problem without the child present.
- Emphasize areas of agreement instead of focusing on disagreements.
- Keep extended family members, new romantic partners, and others out of your personal business.
- Remember that your child’s needs are the most important, and your and your former partner’s preferences come second.
If things are at a point where nothing is working, don’t hesitate to bring in a professional. A counselor or mediator who acts as a neutral third party can help you find a solution without heading back to court.
4. Prioritizing the Child’s Needs
Working together with your former partner to meet the physical, emotional, and educational needs of your child is what co-parenting is all about. There’s no better measure of your success than seeing your child grow into a well-adjusted and resilient adult.
More than toys, electronics, cars, or other extravagant gifts, your child needs you and your former partner to set aside any hard feelings and work together to co-parent them. This means being actively involved in their life, attending events, celebrating milestones, and supporting their interests and hobbies.
5. Adapting to Changes and New Partners
Getting divorced may be the biggest change to you and your child’s life so far, but it is only one of many that will occur. As your child grows older, you will help them navigate many upheavals.
- Love and loved ones found and lost.
- Friendships that blossom and fade.
- People who disappoint you.
- Financial opportunities and mistakes.
- Moving to a new school or a completely new location.
You and your former partner can help your child meet these and other challenges head-on by modeling the benefits of open communication, determination, and a shared goal of caring for someone you love.
Conclusion
Being a parent is the toughest job in the world. Splitting up with your child’s other parent can make it even more difficult if you are not both committed to forging a positive co-parenting relationship.
Setting aside your differences and focusing on what is best for your child, which means openly communicating with one another, adhering to your parenting plan, and having strategies for addressing disputes and changes that arise is key. So is recognizing when it may be time to bring in a third party who can help ensure your child’s needs are put first.
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