“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren’t alone.” ~Jeanne McElvaney
It doesn’t feel great enough to continue putting up parallel parenting with a narcissist husband with an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a tendency to exploit you, right? But, at the same time, you might be struggling to put up with his arrogance and nuisance anyways for the reason that you have a child together. NPD occurs in up to 5% of the US population and is 50% to 75% more common in males than females.
Dealing with a male as your spouse who lacks empathy
Spotting a narcissist isn’t that tough. You will find him arrogant, entitled, demanding, and insensitive to your feelings. But is it mandatory to stay married to a narcissistic husband just because you have a child together? Well, no, you don’t have to, if you know how to parallel parent.
How to fight back against a narcissist parent?
But before we start describing how to fight back against a narcissist parent and parallel parent, we would like to advise you to foster your independence and pursue your own interests and financial resources. First of all, you need to put an end to the reliance on the narcissist.
What about the communication? – Communicate strategically
Avoid triggering defensiveness, but remain solution-focused. But at the same time, stop convincing yourself that he will try to understand you one day. Continuing to love and support him despite how he treats you won’t ever become the solution to your problem.
No matter how good you try treating him, he will convince you into believing you are the problem.
Now, here comes the next part, PARALLEL PARENTING.
If you are wondering why consider Parallel parenting, the simple answer is that it serves as an effective approach to co-parenting with a narcissist. You can maintain greater boundaries and less direct contact. There will be a sense of SAFETY AND STABILITY FOR THE CHILDREN but MINIMISED CONFLICT AND STRESS FOR YOU.
What Is Parallel Parenting?
Parallel parenting is a type where both parents engage with the children but with mutual engagement between the parents.
You can parent independently in the way you feel is best for the child with no interference from your narcissistic husband. You can make the choice of the style of parenting that works best. That helps you to upbring your child peacefully without interference in a parallel parenting with a narcissist. One of the major reasons why this parenting is recommended is that there won’t be conflict over parenting styles as there are BOUNDARIES in place.
BONUS? There will be limits on the frequency of contact, the timing of engagement as well as the content of communications.
Safest choice when the risk of conflict is high
When you, as a parent, feel that no contact is the safest option for the child’s well-being, go for it!
Parallel Parenting vs. Co-Parenting
One of the most observed tendencies among parents having to put up with a narcissistic partner has been that they can’t spot the important differences between parallel parenting and co-parenting. So, let’s make it clear for you.
In co-parenting, couples have to stay in mutual touch and work together to develop a shared parenting plan for children. Also, there are Agreements on rules, discipline, behavior expectations, and routines. It is mandatory to consider consistency across both parents’ homes. It becomes mandatory to exhibit mutual respect and work as a team.
On the contrary, in parallel parenting, there is the presence of STRICT BOUNDARIES REGARDING COMMUNICATION BETWEEN PARENTS. You don’t have to consult with your narcissistic husband about decision-making. Detailed parenting clearly outlines pick-up times, locations, and schedules. You don’t need to directly communicate with your spouse.
Now, let’s discuss the main and final part about parallel parenting with a narcissist…
How to handle parallel parenting with a narcissist husband?
Text messages for communication
Keep all interactions documented, and be clear and focused. Why it’s recommended to consider texting is that it safeguards your well-being while staying focused on your child’s needs.
Setting structured schedules and boundaries
The parenting plan should outline custody and parenting time schedules, locations, transportation responsibilities, and expenses for your children’s needs. Also, ensure that you are prepared with documents stating how you share those costs, covering the consequences if the obligations aren’t met.
Release the fear of what will happen next
Emotional well-being should be fine no matter what. It’s understandable what you might be going through caught up in a shit storm. Your narcissistic husband will hate boundaries and accountability, as expected. But no matter what, you should be strict about trying your best to release your trauma, fear, and triggers. Clearly and calmly navigate the attempts of your husband to derail you. Even your children will be much healthier if you stand up, create boundaries, and heal.
Read also: What is Gentle Parenting? Exploration of Its Principles
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How to confront your narcissistic spouse?
Steps to manage your relationship might help, and in this regard, it’s important to set boundaries, stay calm, and plan your responses.
2. How to protect a child from a narcissistic father?
Be sure you are the safe parent, letting your child turn to you whenever they need. Setting personal boundaries and presenting examples of healthy behaviors will help the child to engage in them.
3. How to disarm a narcissistic husband?
Assert your boundaries and practice self-compassion. Resist gaslighting Attempts.
4. How do I maintain my sanity while parallel parenting?
- Focus on self-care and personal growth.
- Engage in therapy or support groups.
- Set emotional boundaries—detach from the narcissist’s drama.
- Build a strong support system of family and friends.
5. How do I protect my child from manipulation or emotional abuse?
- Teach your child critical thinking skills and emotional resilience.
- Encourage open and honest conversations without speaking negatively about the other parent.
- Consider therapy or counseling if your child struggles with the situation.
6. How do I establish boundaries in parallel parenting with a narcissist?
- Communicate only through written means (email, parenting apps).
- Stick to court-ordered custody agreements.
- Avoid engaging in emotional or personal discussions.
- Set firm, consistent rules for your household.
- Do not react to provocation.
Final Say
Narcissists tend to commonly enlist their children to back them in their judgments and abuse of the other parent. But be very particular about how you need to maintain your boundaries. No matter how hard they try, once you try and implement parallel parenting with a narcissist, your narcissistic husband will fail in his attempt to convincing they’re the nice person and you’re the monster.
